Character, Capability, or Communication: Diagnosing the Real Leadership Gap

People who are most misunderstood about their characters are the ones who have great character but poor communication. They may have that limitation, but you are going to see past that, and you're accurately going to categorize. Because on one side, you don't want to be fooled, you know, thinking everything is capability and communication. On the other side, you don't want to miss out of the gems in your life, the precious people in your life. Often, you know, parents sometimes come very concerned about their children, that, you know, my child, I don't know what I did wrong, has developed bad character. And very often, we actually work with the parent, we work with the child, and we just see that there is a communication challenge. And remember, when there's a communication challenge, it's a comment on both people. Communication and language are different. Now, language can enhance your communication, but there's something else that makes communication effective. Character, capability, and communication. Now, a lot of time, especially with leadership, you know, and leadership not just at business, even leading, not leadership, but when you are leading, sometimes, you know, at home, at work, at business, it's possible that sometimes that you expect something to be done, and it isn't done the way you want it to be done. And it's possible that, you know, maybe that person had a capability challenge. He or she is just not equipped to do. They don't know how to do it, they don't know how to say they don't know how to do it, they think they know how to do it, but they don't know how to do it. And sometimes it's possible that you think of that as a character challenge. And so what happens is that you lose the opportunity to help that person develop that capability, because you think, you know, why do I work with this person, because there's some gap. And I think that happens a lot. It happens way more often than you think it actually happens. And then sometimes the opposite also happens. You know, there is a character challenge. A person is just lazy, a person is just, you know, has habits of lying, and you are putting your heart and soul thinking, how do I teach this person? And so, you know, there's a capability, you think it's a capability challenge, but then it could sometimes be a character challenge. And sometimes it may not be either. Sometimes it might be a communication thing. You know, the person, and it's the most horrible thing, when I see two good people and they can't communicate well. Now remember, I'm saying communicate. It's not specific to language. You know, I think most people can communicate without language, especially when you take children. You know, when they used to do this, you know, when they used to be colonies, when they used to have people, you know, conquering countries and then moving people from one country to another country, and they used to have colonies there, and they used to have people from one country, you know, transported to another country, and they're working there as forced laborers. And then there are people from a different country transported there, and you have two sets of people, and they don't understand each other's language. They develop something called a spijin, which is a form of communication within themselves where they can agree on basic communication, which is, you know, get this done, put the rock down, time to rest, and so it's a very fundamental form of communication, but it's not complete. It doesn't have all of the fullness of language as we know it, but it's functional for, you know, them to coordinate amongst themselves. But what's interesting is when these two communities have children, they don't speak their mother tongue. They don't speak pidgin, but they speak a new language called creole. It has a syntax of its own. It's a language of in itself, and the parents can understand that language, but the children, you know, who are born in that community, they've formed, they've created a new language, and they can understand that language with each other, and then the parents catch up to it. You know, so even in extreme situations, without knowing another person's language, you can communicate effectively if you are very good at communication, and if someone is poor in their communication skill, you know, it doesn't matter how, you know, fluent their language is. They will not be able to get a point across. They won't be able to understand, and often I think in our society, we assume fluency equal to good communication, but the more you understand communication, the more you realize language is the last significant component to communication, and you know, I was once in Japan attending one of John's program, you know, it was a basic program, but I was there for John, you know, because he's delivering something, and I love to model him, and then John just wanted to spice up things for me, so he brought up a bunch of Japanese, and he said, help them finish this. I said, sure, and you know, easy enough, and he said, no translator, and you know, Japanese, most of the Japanese, they don't understand English, and then I said, okay, I still can talk in English, and they'll make sense. He said, no translator, no English, so imagine, I got them to do alphabet game, I got them to do rhythm of life, I got them to do all of those things, I helped people who weren't doing it well enough without knowing Japanese, without knowing English, I mean, without them knowing English, and the more you start doing things like that, you realize communication and language are different. Now, language can enhance your communication, but there's something else that makes communication effective, and so a lot of times what happens is you see someone, and they have a capability issue, or they may have a communication issue, and you might think, why didn't he say that to me before, and he must be, you know, lying or a bad person. Okay, so now the reason I'm bringing to your attention today is because you did a lot of FEC, you did a lot of alphabet game, and you did a lot of things that gets your emotions from suboptimal to optimal, and a lot of times what happens is when you go from suboptimal to optimal and you revisit the same situation, sometimes the things that you put things in certain buckets shift into the other bucket, you know, and especially with, you know, I think parents and children, I think it's really wonderful, you know, because it's very important, because often, you know, parents sometimes come very concerned about their children, that, you know, my child, I don't know what I did wrong, has developed bad character, and very often we actually work with the parent, we work with the child, and we just see that there is a communication challenge, that the person just doesn't know how to communicate what is going on, and remember when there's a communication challenge, it's a comment on both people. It's like, you know, the leadership of one person was not way ahead of the others to be able to spot it and resolve it. Okay, so what I want you to do right now is, you know, I want you to get into groups of like five or six, and I want you to think about examples where, you know, something did not happen the way it should have happened, and I want you to have like absolute clarity on which ones are like, you know, character issues, which ones are capability issues, and which ones are communication issues. Now, you may find that you're leaning towards one or two of them. You know, some people like to believe everything is a communication issue. Some people will lean towards everything is a capability issue. Some people would lean towards everything is a character issue. If character is well, people will talk. If character is well, they would develop the skill. So what I want you to do is, you know, the first five, six examples that you come up with, you may notice it's leaning towards one category. So now pick that as where your dominant bias is. So I want you to find where is your dominant bias. You know what I mean? This is how Mohan's dominant bias. So, so figure out, you understand what I mean by this? Come up with examples. You're going to have maybe a big chart paper for each of you, you know, as a group or a big paper, and you're going to start with person number one, and the person is going to come up with examples of something that you wanted someone to do. They did not do it as well as you wanted them to do. So far, so good. You understand this so much. Now, as you start doing the exercise, the person will come with five, six items, which will predominantly be in one of these three categories. That is their dominant bias, which means they're biased towards concluding that people have character issues, or people have capability issues, or people have communication issues. Okay, now once you have found that, you ask the person to come up with examples from the other two categories, because you want to help them think the other two categories. Okay, can I just do a quick demo with someone do a quick demo with somebody, you know, horny, should they do this six people or should you just do it to groups of two, three, two, three, no, because I think you're three, three, three, three is good. Okay, who wants to come up? Yeah, okay. Sure. Why don't you come? Yeah. Can you just quickly Mike him up? Yeah. Now that you've told us that we could have or we have a dominant bias, is there a possibility that we might try to balance out and well, good, then the agenda is done. That's the agenda. Yeah, remember, this is the dominant bias, I just made it up to to help you understand that sometimes you might be biased towards something and get equal number in others. And if you balance it out, that's good. That's great. That's the whole idea of the exercise need more clarity on character. What do you mean by character? What do you mean by character? Personality. Okay. And what else? You know, personality, values, values, sometimes, sometimes their attitude, you know, like, like selfish, you would not put in the capability, right? You would put on the character. Okay, got it. Thank you. Sometimes we might come up with a judgment that this person is selfish. The question is, are they selfish? Would that demonstration of that behavior have come from the space of being selfish? It might appear like that. But you want to now look and check at an intention level. Were they operating from that map? Or could it have been a capability gap? Or could it have just been poor communication? So very quickly, okay, this is just a two minute demo. Now, can you think of examples of where you asked someone to do something and they didn't do it well? And can you give me some examples of that? In the office, you know, when we instruct something, yeah, either they postpone, I know, but do you have a reference of one specific incident, one specific person? Yeah, one of my managers, okay, one of your managers. Now, why do you think he postpones? Is it a carrot issue, capability issue or a communication issue? It's the easy taking, you know, I can do it. If not today, I can do it afterwards. Does he have a capability issue in planning or is he as a person careless? A capability issue is a planning challenge. It's a planning challenge. So he's serious about the job, but he has a planning challenge. He underestimates the time. Yeah, underestimating the time as well as, you know, he feels that I can do very fast. I can do any time. Okay, so planning issue in the one of the manager. Yeah. Okay. Give me, give me, give me quickly. Give me three, four more examples. I know they forget. One of my managers will forget the okay. Forget this is another person. Okay. Okay. Very nice. Then, you know, I asked them to revert it. Yeah. So then, you know, I have to remind them once again. Why? This is the forgetting category. No, one more. Okay. You have to remind them. But why do you think that you need to remind them? Why are they not organized that way already? Because, you know, once I tell them, they feel that, you know, they understand that and then they will do it. Then, you know, what happened to that work? And after two, three days, if I ask them, sir, I'm doing it right now. No, but is that a character issue, capability issue, communication I can say it is an easy taking type. Easy taking. Easy taking. What do you mean? They take it. I can do it any point of time or, you know, I can, it is not that important. Their ability to understand the importance of something is limited. Yeah. Where do you put that? Communication. Okay. They don't ask the right questions. They don't ask the right questions to understand the importance of something. Yes. Okay. So they don't get the importance. Okay. Now, now, if you have to just take these three, do you see a bias coming out? He's more skewed towards capability, maybe communication. Now, what I would do is, in the step that you're going to do, ask him to come up with specifically five examples, not necessarily from work, from anywhere, specifically in this basket. And two more examples in this basket, if possible. Okay. So in the character basket, can you come up with, can you remember certain examples where someone didn't do something that they should have done because of a problem with their value, with their attitude, with something. Doesn't have to be work. It can be anything. It can be in school. It can be anything. Just three examples of that. Only employees or other friends? Anybody. Anybody. Yeah. Yeah. See, you know, we discussed something, then the outcome has to come. But because of the inability to exercise in that particular time frame, then the outcome will come. Again, it will, it gets postponed. So this is what I mean by a dominant. Okay. Very nice. Give me more examples. Now, give me, did someone cheat? Did someone lie? Did someone cheat? Did someone lie? Yeah. Yeah. I have a friend, he does business with me. Then, you know, always he says that, you know, sir, it is done now. But, you know, it will not be done. It will be done. But, you know, it will not be completed. It is happening, you know, days together, weeks together. Sir, it is done now, he says. I'm next moment, you know, you will have the funds in your account. The next moment is always next moment only. Now, where do you put that? Is that, do you put that as character or capability or communication? Character. Character. So what would you call this? What is he doing? He's lying. He's lying. Okay. So there's a person who is lying. Next moment. There's a friend, next moment it is done. Friend, business partner you said, right? Partner. Okay. Okay. Give me two more. So, you know, generally, you know, I support in our friend circle and then this thing. So they come to me with one particular challenge they are facing. Then, you know, I support them. Basically, you know, people come to me only for funds. Okay. So, you know, even if I'm, it is not possible for me because of, you know, some I love them or like them or this thing. Then, you know, I utilize my network and then, you know, arrange the funds to those people. Then, you know, once they give in properly, second time they give properly, third time they give properly, fourth time done. You have example of at least one person who's done that? No, I have multiple people. But think of one person. Yeah. Okay. Now that particular person, when he did that, was it a character, capability or communication? It's capability. It's capability. No, because, you know, that particular capability is not able to, you know, I know that, you know, he wants to perform, but he's not able to perform. Unable to perform, perform and return money. This is a friend. Yeah. This is a friend. Okay. Now, I want you to know something very important over here. Now, whether it's a character or capability or communication is not defined by the context. It's defined by what's really going on with that individual. Now, do you remember he said he has many people like that, but I said, pick a person because you want to pick a person and for one, where the money was in return could be a character. For another, where the money was in return could be a capability. And for another, where the money was in return could be a communication. So when you're doing this exercise, you're not looking at categories, but you're actually looking at that individual. So to the best of your ability, you would see them and think like them for the moment. And then you would know what they're really going through. What's their reality? What are they really going through? Yeah. So in the same context, the same type of situations, for one, it's a communication issue. For one, it's a capability. For one, it's a character thing. And a lot of times what they say is different from what they intend or feel. So you're going to the intention to say whatever it is that they want to say. They might feel fearful. Somebody said, you know, they might feel fearful. What am I going to answer? And they might not pick up the call. In fact, the people who are most misunderstood about their characters are the ones who have great character, but poor communication, because sometimes people are so good, they feel, how can I show my face? And they don't even say that they're trying. And the other side, we might easily think that person didn't even have the courtesy to call. So a lot of times their own character gets them to come across as someone who has the opposite of who they are. So you're going to take... So now what you're doing is you're taking your leadership to the next level. So they may have that limitation, but you are going to see past that. And you're accurately going to categorize, because on one side, you don't want to be fooled, thinking everything is capability and communication. On the other side, you don't want to miss out of the gems in your life, the precious people in your life. Okay, so I think that was a good example. Now, however, I still need to get two more from you. So can you think of another person who did not return the money for whom it was a character challenge? Yeah, he is having funds. If he wants, he can arrange in a second. But my friend Raghu, I can give him leisurely. So why do you think it's a character issue? Because he always takes things very granted. He can manage he can manage. Yeah, he can manage. Okay, that's it. That's a character challenge. Okay, give me one more for character. Yeah, one more client of mine. I have done extraordinary business with him. Basically, you know, when the fund is available, he will give it. But now he lost everything. So now he's not even attending my phone call. So basically, his intention is to cheat character. Sure. His intention is to cheat. And how do you know it's a character, character, not communication? Yeah, it's a communication is also it is because he doesn't respond. So communication is also not but his intention is to cheat. Okay. You know that. Yeah, intention to cheat you that is my feeling now that you know, he is intention to become maybe is because of his inability also capability also. But no, this this character will come in every area. Capability issue is there. And then intention is also there. Cheating and then there's no response. So what I'm going to put is because you don't have you don't know this person who's not picking up your phone could either be in the communication or he could be in character and you don't know. Because you said maybe. Is that correct? Yeah. Yeah. So I'm going to take that particular example. And it's an it's an example of actually, this is the third step, which we will come to next. But right now, we have something where assumption where we don't know what it is. I'm going to put the fourth category where not picking up phone. Is that what you said? Yeah, not picking up phone. Yeah. You know, he put it in character, but he didn't mean it. And that's okay. That's good. Because you want to know, does he have a difficulty, you know, communicating, which we'll put in communication and not capability. Okay, give me one more example from your school childhood days, school days, college days, anywhere from anywhere. Employees you've let go anywhere. Is always, you know, life and character challenge, because he though he's having money in his pocket. No, nothing is in my pocket. So it's a character issue. Why do you think it's character issue? Because naturally, he's lying. And then you know, he wants to exit at that particular moment. Okay, so it is only I feel it is a mind, you know, is not allowing him to exercise the right things. The same person if he has better character, what would he be doing? He will exercise in the right manner. He'll spend that money. He will not spend the money. He has to give the money, he will give it or you know, he will do right things to the people. He will help the people not helping people. That's okay. Got it. So not helping people not helping or not exercising in right manner because to even he has to give the money to other people. He doesn't give any lies. Okay, so we have three characters. Awesome. Now you know what this means to you that you're a very good person. And I think you're a good leader because you're understanding actual challenges of people. And what this means to you is if there is someone who might have cheated you by making it look like they're unable to but there's a real character challenge, I think you now become more sharp in noticing their character. Why? Because you're just giving your memory your unconscious mind references that sometimes not everything is about capability or communication. So I think it would just heighten your intuition to know when you know not to waste time on someone you know because capability you can build. Character very difficult. We learn how to do that in installations. We do you know one of the biggest promise of big is character improvement and character development. And I think it's I personally think it's almost impossible but with installations it's kind of possible. But if you're doing business you know you don't want to put so much effort on someone's character it helps you knowing the distinction helps you to avoid wasting time with someone you shouldn't. Someone who might be having a character challenge might take shelter under a capability they might make an excuse of a capability related thing but it might even be a character thing. So if the dominant bias tends to be capability then we might believe that it's a capability issue and not recognize that it's a character issue. But now and then time gets wasted. You know when you first came in you came up with two three examples and they were all from the capability and then we asked you for character and you came up with one and when you're trying to come up with another you came up with another example around capability. What do you think was going on? Because you know my maybe you know my circle is like that or something like that. Or maybe the circle that you have put in your mind and and so what we want to do is we want to widen that circle for you to notice where there are capability challenges and where there are character challenges. So this is part one this completion of this is going to be in part two and part three. See because the three names you came up with for character they were still part of your circle but this didn't come to you as easily meaning your attention is not in noticing that as much as noticing capability. Now that is a good thing because great mentors put their attention on capability. That's what makes the mentors they help them help them improve and now what you're also doing is you're expanding your attention across all three categories. Very very good. So now now the purpose of this exercise is you first look at capability and we just want to make sure you also look at character and communication. Now when you do this with someone else they may be only thinking everything in character. They may not look at capability and communication. So you're going to enhance them to look at the other two that they may not be looking at. I was only earlier also I know I could scan myself. Yeah I wasn't looking after the person's capabilities. Yes other things I was not watching it. Now you have. You've done it like this. So have you expanded like this or like this. I was only going in one direction. Okay. That is capable or not. Yeah once is capable I was you know and now moving with them. Now I have to you know look at all these aspects. Yeah. Then I can think and decide whether to move or not. Fantastic. Okay congratulations. Thank you. You're welcome. Yeah thank you. Okay so now get into groups and do it with each other. Make sure you expand their attention. We never like to complete our video without giving you the opportunity to personally evolve and launch your legacy. 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